Archive for November, 2010

WHY I LOVE THE RAIN (repost)

Posted: November 23, 2010 in Ramdom thoughts

(Originally posted in my disputed Multiply account. There are changes for clarity and brevity.)

May 17, ’08 2:42 AM

It’s been a week of deadly rains during noontimes and it’s a nuisance for almost everyone. I heard a weather forecaster discussed about the strange weather we are experiencing right now– a “sandwich typhoon” or whatever you wanna call it.

Many complain how rain makes the road muddy and how it disrupts our daily activities. But despite of those, I love the rain. It’s like a break for very humid days we have, also a moment for plants and trees to relax. It’s somehow a reminder for me to slow down and listen to the sound of raindrops that falls on the rooftop. It allows me to draw my name and dreams in the windowpane of the car and sketch my future paths on it. It gives me a soothing relief away from this fast-phased world.

When it rains, I take time to watch the children chasing the flowing waters and the oldies sip their coffee in their terraces. It makes me feel the simplicity and stillness of life. It teaches me to love the things around me. In the Bible, rain is a symbol of abundance and mercy from God. That’s why I love rain, it gives me a promise that after the pouring, there’s a clearer sky above.

I’ll get by.

No photoshop used! Taken in 2007 during a beach trip in Lingayen, Pangasinan

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I LOVED YOU FIRST

Posted: November 21, 2010 in Ramdom thoughts, School

“And the history books forgot about us and the Bible didn’t mention us, the Bible didn’t mention us. Not even once.”

Regina Spektor’s song “Samson” remains a mystery for me but I keep on singing and playing it since the first time I heard it. A forum in Yahoo says it means two lovers and the boy suffers from an unknown disease so Samson “went back to bed, not much hair left on his head and ate his slice of wonderbread…” The wonderbread is the medicine. He is so weak with his sickness that he “couldn’t bring the columns down, we couldn’t destroy a single one.” It is an incurable, unknown disease that “the history books forgot about us and the Bible didn’t mention us, the Bible didn’t mention us. Not even once.” These premises somehow convince me that it gave me another perspective to the song. The simile is quick and witty. It is a seemingly sweet love song but it turns out to be the most tragic one.

One of my professors in this last semester of my undergraduate life in UP is Prof. Victor “YouKnowWho” Avecilla. It’s been his habit that during the very first day in class, all his students would introduce themselves and share something about their love life and for the second time that he became my professor, it happened to me and our batch. When it was my turn, I didn’t want to make things complicated that he would question every single detail like an NBI interrogator so with regard to my love life, I just said, “I am currently not in a relationship and I have no plans to have one soon.” He asked why. I answered, “Sir, I am too busy with my thesis.” He gave a worth remembering remarks that you wouldn’t hear often from an “Avecilla” who is notorious through the years. He said, “You should not be too busy to love. When love knocks at your door and you don’t entertain it, it will hardly come back again.” It’s been two sessions of our Broadcast Ethics class that he is kind and calm and I am hoping the same in the remaining months.

Deep inside my mind, I wish I could share my ideas to him about love and life. I want him to know that I am full of love from my family and those that come and go in the past, yet, I still feel empty and unloved at times.

I want him to understand that life is good and I’m having fun (sounds like the Bambini Cologne ad. LOL). But the goodness and fun in this life is never constant and when I remember my childhood, all I can see is memories related to rain.

I want him to listen that I am not a “flirt”. I am serious and hopeless romantic. I am longing for that one, sweet, stable relationship that no matter what temptations come our way, our love for each other will still matter. Someone who is afraid to lose me and is there to celebrate life with me is enough.

I want to agree with him that this lifetime is not too long and sooner or later, one by one, will go to eternity inevitably. I want to know his opinion with the things I experience that I never chose to, like, where is the thin dividing line between God’s control and God’s gift of free-will?

I want his funny joke if I ask what will happen to Jaime Sullivan and Landon James if the former didn’t die.

I have a lot of things to say when he said that, but I opted to remain silent because I know that arguing with him will lead to nowhere. A nod is enough to say that I share the same thoughts with him and although he is much older than me and he knows a lot about his field more than me, our thoughts are never far from each other. I’m afraid that I am too mature theoretically but immature in practice.

I still believe that there’s someone out there for me that despite my immaturities and insecurities would still love me because he knows me through and through.

As of this writing, I just want to put my heart and self into rest. I just want to finish my thesis with satisfaction and graduate on April 17, 2011.

Love comes in different forms and sometimes, through letting go.

During UP MCO's photoshoot. This is what happens when you write your thesis in Jejenese (the language of Jejemons)